


Sirius's Ponytail

by Quijotita



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bonding, Comfort/Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Oneshot, Orion Black's A+ Parenting, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sexuality Crisis, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, Werewolf Remus Lupin, Young Remus Lupin, Young Sirius Black, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29348376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quijotita/pseuds/Quijotita
Summary: Sirius is having second doubts about his long hair, and his preferences. Remus helps him out and they share a moment.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 67





	Sirius's Ponytail

**Author's Note:**

> I just melt every time I see @alessiajontrunfio (tumblr) draw Sirius Black in a ponytail.

He was not happy with the way his hair was looking.

He was kind of sick of it, to be honest. Always in his face, tangled everywhere, even Lily had mentioned he had split-ends. What the hell where split-ends, anyways? How do you actually fix that? He did not even own a brush, for Godrick’s sake. He should buy one, though, he realized when he ran his fingers through one of his black locks and got stuck halfway. He had wavy hair, but it almost looked curly from all the knots it had. It had reached a nice length, since it had finally grew out of that not-short but not-long stage where your head looks like a coconut. Sirius Black refused to be called Ringo Starr ever again. The drummer? _Bitch, please._ He was the lead singer. His parents had always made sure it was short and tidy, but he got away with avoiding the haircut the summer before his third year. Could he fix it with magic? He hoped so, but he was too embarrassed to ask any professor about it.

“How about some conditioner, Sirius?” Remus was sitting in his bed, watching his friend basically wrestling with his mane. “Mum uses it, and it makes her hair softer, maybe that can help you untangle it.”

“Maybe I should ask _Snape_ how does he manage to make it so shiny. He can share me some of his sebum.”

“Ew, don’t _say_ that word.” Peter called.

“What? _Snape?”_

“Well, Sirius, if you want to wear it long you should take care of it. You could _seriously_ end up looking worse than him.” James interrupted from the floor, looking for something under the bed. “You basically look homeless.”

“I’m basically homeless, you know?” Sirius said, giving up on his looks. “They said that if I am going to keep up with my _rebel nonsense,_ I should look for another place to stay in the summer. Funny way to call your non-racist son.”

“Well, you can always stay at my place.” James found what he was looking for: a dirty sock which he later put on his feet.

“Or my place…” Remus mumbled, later remembering his parents weren’t rich as the Potters. He regretted offering that out loud; it was bluntly stupid.

“They don’t mean it, though.” Sirius scoffed. “They would never kick out their second favorite son.”

“They treat Kreacher more like a son than the way they treat you.” Peter teased his friend. “So, you might want to think twice about that.”

“Maybe you can wear it up?” Remus suggested. Was he the only one trying to come up with a solution for his friend? “Like Marlene does sometimes.”

“Huh. That’s actually not a bad idea. I’ll ask the girls if they have a hair tie and ask them to go to Hogsmeade with me on the weekend to get some products. They can’t stop talking about this one hip beauty store with magical and muggle goods, and they would never refuse a date with me, would they?”

“Or I can go with you.” Remus rushed. “I mean if you want to go with Marlene or Mary, I get it but, I mean,” He cleared his throat. “I know a thing or two about...”

“Sure!” Sirius answered, more excitedly than expected, and Remus’s face lighted up when he saw how happy he was with the idea, but then he looked away. “Do you guys want to join us?”

“Not me,” said Peter “I want to see if maybe Dorcas wants to get butterbeer with me, or maybe let me buy her candy from Honeydukes, or if she’d simply like to stomp me in the face. I’d let her if that means she’d let me spend time with her.”

“Oh, Petey,” James laughed “I don’t think she wants to go out with you. Or any guy, really.”

“What do you mean?” He frowned.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Sirius sat next to Remus. “Short hair, rough walk, foul mouth… And she has never made a move on me! Not even once.”

“Impressive.” Remus rolled his eyes, sarcastically.

“I think… I think she’s not like _other_ girls, you know?” Peter sighed dreamy; not sure what Sirius meant.

“Don’t you see it? She’s not _like_ other girls because she _likes_ other girls.”

“Oh, shit!” Peter almost never cursed, and he covered his eyes with his hands.

“What? A-Are you sure?” Remus whispered, shocked.

“Well, yeah! It’s not like I’ve ever asked but it is not something you tell people, anyway.” Sirius looked a little too concentrated on his hair again, looking for those damned split ends.

“Is it not?”

“No, not really…” Sirius frowned, lowering his voice. “It’s hard…” He paused. “for them. It must be. Not telling people.”

“It never really crossed my mind, you know?” Remus grabbed a lock of Sirius’s hair. He did have split-ends. “Girls liking other girls… _that_ way.”

“What?” Sirius chuckled, allowing him to play with his hair. “Did you think Bowie was the only one allowed to shag his same sex?”

“David Bowie is _gay_?!”

The three boys laughed. Poor Remus basically lived under a rock, or under a book, and his dormmates had to soak him up with pop culture, muggle or magical. Sirius Black shook his head, still amused, and went outside the door. Remus had been educated a fairly traditional way; boys liked girls and they had big families and they were not werewolves. Rather ironic, really, because he was actually a werewolf and he had a very small family and he didn’t like girls. Not yet, anyway, he did not have time to think about that. He was too busy with school, his friends and lying to them about his once-every-full-moon “family visits”.

“Has it already been a month?” Sirius almost choked on his pumpkin juice. “No way!”

“Yeah. I’m leaving Saturday after dinner and I’ll be spending Sunday with my parents.” Remus lied. It was full moon.

“Oh, but we’re still up for today, right? Us going to Hogsmeade? Because if you got to pack…”

“Sure, of course. I don’t see why not.”

Remus smiled grandly, he always loved going to town with his friends. He was not given much money to spend like the others, but they always bought him a butterbeer and a chocolate bar without exception. They were that kind of friends. He appreciated they did not mind he came from a perfectly middle-class family. Sure, it was easier accepting that than accepting his lycanthropy. He still wondered if he was going to keep that a secret or if he should tell them sooner than later. But he was not ready.

Remus loved wearing muggle clothes. A pullover and jeans were ten times cheaper than his robes, and that was what he always wore to town. He grabbed his light-washed jeans that had a couple of ink stains that apparently seemed to be visible only to Sirius since he was the only one that kept mentioning it, and a dark purple sweater with cyan and yellow details on the chest. He almost tripped on his khaki hiking boots since he had a bad tendency of forgetting to tie his laces.

“Oh, been waiting for me?” Sirius came out of the steamy bathroom and looked down at his kneeling dormmate. “I’d love to say yes but you know you must ask for my mother’s blessing beforehand. Let’s send her an owl.”

“And wait for a howler and a restriction order tomorrow at breakfast.” He played along as he got up. “Get dressed already. Everyone’s leaving after five and you know I feel uncomfortable when it gets crowded…”

“Do you think Peter got that date with Dorcas?” Black changed into black trousers and a white-collar shirt. He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed frustrated. His hair was frizzy.

“Haven’t seen him all day. Or James, for that matter. Maybe we will figure it out once we get to leave?” He hurried him.

“Yes, _mother_.”

“Don’t call me that. You know it drives me mad.”

They both laughed as they left the castle. He liked it. Joking like that with Sirius gave him some kind of newfound confidence in himself. He felt funny, quick-witted and sarcastic, just like Sirius and James were all the time. It’s not that he was jealous, but sometimes he wanted to be more like Potter; popular, loud, careless and overall perfect.

“From one to ten,” The black-haired boy asked his friend, trying to get his mane on a ponytail with just his hands “how gay do you think this store is?”

“What do you mean?”

“I just… I thought maybe if I came here with a girl it wouldn’t look so weird. People talk, you know? About my hair, my lanky arms, they think I’m _delicate_.”

Remus frowned. He didn’t even think kids at Hogwarts would even _dare_ to talk about Sirius Black. People always thought he was a cool kid, that he was popular and handsome and everyone in their grade wanted to be like him. Rich, clever, mischievous and confident. Well, maybe not so confident after all.

“I never thought of you as a person that actually cared about what people think, Sirius.”

“No! No way. I don’t care at all!” Sirius seemed to fake being offended. “I’m just nervous. I’ve never noticed this many things before and…” Remus raised one eyebrow. “Nevermind! It’s nothing. It’s that it?”

Sirius pointed at a white house with pink details that read _Beauty Duty by Jenny Maruti._ Remus nodded and they headed there. A strong and sweet fragrance invaded their nostrils, and the Black heir got pleasantly surprised by the variety of male products they had.

They got back to the dorm when the night fell, a couple of hours before curfew. Peter was neither on their room nor on the common room, and Marlene was teaching James a muggle game with playing cards to be able to beat Lily to impress her. Sirius opened the paper bag and got a bottle of an expensive muggle shampoo, a conditioner the saleswoman simply _assured_ it would do magic with his hair tangles, a wavy-hair potion, a comb and basic black hair ties. Sirius seemed happy and excited to try everything out, but had no idea where to start.

“The shampoo smells splendid, really.” Remus said while sniffing it and taking a second look to his friend’s purchases. He seemed really invested on his hair, or did not give a single fuck about the money he spent.

“Very manly, right?” He responded while taking his shirt off. “Let me just use the shampoo and then you can hop in the tub, alright?”

“Me?!” Remus jumped and felt his cheeks turn pink.

“Yeah, are you not helping me out? I thought it was very clear that I cannot do this on my own. Just get into some shorts and come with me. Don’t make it weird.”

Remus sighed; a little bit relieved after the explanation. Sirius apparently had no idea of his concern and got into a swimsuit. Remus never watched when any of his friends changed, that would be weird, but he found strange how confident they all were, and comfortable on their own skin, not caring if the others were probably watching. He quickly changed into a pair of shorts and a short-sleeved tee. He grabbed the rest of Sirius’s stuff while the other boy had the water running. _This should not be weird, right? As Sirius said, don’t make it weird,_ Remus thought to himself.

“You can come in now!” Sirius yelled from the bathroom.

Remus nodded and came in. Sirius was sitting in the half-full bath with his hair soaking wet. It really was long, he thought as he awkwardly got into the bath, trying not to trip, and sat behind the boy. His hair looked heavy on his shoulders due to his big mass that had formed. He looked happy, excited, and they could hear the music coming from the common room. Remus stroked Sirius’s hair and could already smell the nice perfume the shampoo had left on it. It was the first time he touched his hair; he was not a person who got all over anyone’s personal space, and maybe that is why being there seemed like an invasion of privacy. He got some conditioner on bottom half of his hair, while detangling the hair mass with his fingers. Sirius seemed to enjoy it, tilting his head up a little bit and closing his eyes.

“Tell me about your family, Remus.” He said in a quiet whisper. “Is your mum nice?”

“Yeah…” Remus smiled, although he was taken by surprise. “She is nice.”

“How is she?”

“She…” He was not used to talk about himself, really. He was more of a listener. “She has blonde hair, kind of like honey… And has brown eyes, kind of like mine, but she has a green spot in one of her eyes.”

“Oh, shame you don’t have that. It would make you interesting.” Sirius teased while Remus kept running his fingers through his locks. Remus laughed.

“Yeah, it would… And she also likes to wear this one pastel green dress. She’s kind of stuck in the 60s, you know? But she’s sweet. Very protective, and misses me tons whenever I have to come back.”

“Do you miss her? Is that why you visit her so much?”

“I do miss her… You see, she is sick…”

Remus grabbed a small bucket of water to wash the conditioner away. It was not a lie, though. His mother was sick, and he visit her every couple of months since she was diagnosed. In full moon, he just told his friends he was visiting his family, but never got into too much detail. Remus also thought it would be less obvious if it was not only on full moons, so he took the opportunity to check up on her.

“She has cancer. It’s a muggle sickness, very hard to cure, but she’s trying.” There was a silence while he soaked his hair once again. “It’s really hard going back; I just feel more at home here.”

“Because of your father?”

“Nah. My dad’s just fine, I just like it better here. Less lonely.”

“Mhm…” Sirius nodded while finding the warm water soothing when running through his back. “So… is your father also nice?”

“Strict, though. He’s not at home much. Works at the Ministry.”

“Oh, I just always thought he was…kind of like mine…”

“How’s yours?” Remus kept playing with his hair, not wanting the conversation to end, and Sirius did not protest.

“Not nice.” He laughed ironically, with some sad notes. He never talked about his father, he usually limited to whine and complain about his stuck-up mother. “Calls me names, locks me up for nonsense, he used to put out his cigars on me, but started using a whip spell on me once I grew up to be a smart-mouth.”

Remus felt a knot in his stomach and swallowed hard. He had noticed some marks, but always assumed they were birthmarks and never asked; it was not his business. Except it was, right? He was his friend. And why would he think his dad was like his?

“Oh…” He did not know what else to say.

“I’ve seen your scars, Re.” Sirius slowly turned around, facing Remus, and leaned towards him to get closer. “I just thought maybe you were having a hard time home and… felt bad every time you went.”

Remus felt a heat wave on his body, especially his chest and head, and suddenly felt itchy in every place a cut or scar had ever been on his body. The four long pink ones across his chest that could be seen through his wet shirt, the white scratches on his arms, the wound on his leg and the mark across his face. He looked directly at Sirius’s grey eyes, who almost looked filled with pity. He thought it simply was an unspoken rule not to talk about each other’s scars, but he apparently had gotten it wrong. He did not like to lie, he did not want to acknowledge they were there in front of his friends, he did not want anyone to know, but he just hated hiding something this big from them, from Sirius, but there was too much at risk. He couldn’t. But he couldn’t lie.

“Something happened to me…” He looked away, ill with anxiety, with a small and shaky voice “When I was little. My father…” Remus stuttered, fidgeting with his fingers. He hated stuttering, it made him vulnerable. And being vulnerable led to tears filling his eyes and his voice breaking. “He made someone angry, and took it back on him by hurting me. I was basically a baby…”

Sirius did not force Remus to look at him, and he did not ask him not to cry. He gasped softly as he finished the story, and he did not make him tell anything more. Contrarywise, he touched his arm in understanding, and Remus could not help but sob. It was the first time he said all that out loud, and it took it back to the time his parents had to explain what happened to him when he was too young to understand, but he had to, because it was going to be there until he stopped existing. Sirius did not force a hug, but Remus could feel him silently fighting back tears as he held his arm tighter. Lupin could not handle it anymore and threw himself in Sirius’s arms, scared of having told him a secret, part of his darkest secret, and cried forgetting he hated crying in front of other guys. His friend hugged him back, rocking back and forth trying to comfort him and rubbing his thumb through his back. Remus felt better little by little, but they kept hugging, and he let his weight fall on Sirius.

“I had never told that to anyone, Sirius…” He whispered in a cracked voice. “Please don’t think of me differently or… or tell it to…”

“I’d never, Remus. I hate what happened to you, you did not deserve it, but I wouldn’t see you differently in any way.” Remus sat straight again and dried his eyes with his hands. “And thank you for telling me. For what’s worth, I will never doubt again why you got into Gryffindor and not Ravenclaw. You are the bravest.”

“You think so?” Remus smiled weakly, gaining composure again.

“Yes. And say hi to your mum this weekend. I’d love to meet her sometime.”

His chest grew warm and he was suddenly so glad he had told Sirius. The shadow of regret he had felt a couple of moments earlier faded completely, and Sirius saw him in a completely new light. Maybe he would not react that bad when he knew the whole story, because he was definitely going to tell him sometime. Not at that moment, though. Baby steps. His thoughts were interrupted by a big splash of water on his face, and he yelled in surprise, followed by a laugh. He splashed Sirius back and they played in the water for a while before hearing a knock on the door.

“Guys,” It was Peter “what in the world are you doing in there?”

“You don’t want to come in, Petey!” Sirius kept laughing. “You’d be shocked!”

“Oh, come on! I need to poop!”

Remus smiled widely at Sirius, watching him beam as he got out of the bathtub. Sirius stretched his arm at him to help him get out and Remus accepted.

At the end of the day, Remus was right. The only thing Sirius needed was a good conditioner and a nice comb. His raven hair was puffy and with lovely waves. _Very rock and roll_ , Remus thought.

“ _Herp_ me out, Re?” Sirius said looking at himself in the mirror with a hair tie on his mouth, trying to make a ponytail for himself.

Remus nodded and quickly got up and got the comb. He brushed the hairs that were out of place on his head and asked for the hair tie, successfully getting Sirius’s previously untamed hair in a relaxed ponytail, leaving a lock of hair on each side to frame his face. Sirius smiled widely, satisfied with the work, and he opened wide his arms to hug Remus.

“You rock!” He said, excited. He hugged Remus more frequently now, but he did not mind at all.

“What are you, now?” Peter looked at them, frowning. “Gay?”

Remus felt ashamed and tried to separate himself from Black, but he held him tighter, glaring at Peter.

“Why?” Sirius asked Peter, still smiling gladly. “You interested?”


End file.
